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21 Jan‘Help me! My house is haunted!’ with hostess Mellen

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I witness so many people opening-up about their interest in the paranormal lately tis impressive! Why? Well, I believe that paranormal entertainment has opened-up the minds of the mainstream public to the fact the paranormal is NOT a taboo’ed subject to discuss anymore. And, even though paranormal is still a psuedo science, it IS a science nonetheless for we’ll all agree that there ARE unexplained ‘things’ out there. [Later date - I'll get on a tangent about all of the different 'things' we believe play a part]

Seems ENDLESS paranormal movies have been hitting the theaters; the latest “Devil Inside” was awful! Curious, WHY would ANYONE make such a poor film like THAT one when there’s REAL evidence & TRUE stories out there ready to be shared (& ‘scare’ the watcher)? SERIOUS EVIDENCE DOES EXIST! Want proof: Did you, my reader, listen to my dead brother speaking to me on my recorder the night of his death? I have it posted to this site. And, I assure you when you listen, TALK ABOUT GOOSEBUMPS, be ready! So tell me, why don’t the filmmakers (ie.’Devil Inside’) take note to such TRULY SCARY STUFF versus creating such a TERRIBLE ‘film’? There’s simply no sense, tis nonsense, and I hope they realize that silly folk make for great jokes! And, the ‘Devil Inside’ is the biggest joke thus far!

I’m also curious why no science/spooky channels haven’t put-on a weekly paranormal TV talk show.?.? I think that having a paranormal hostess, *ahem*, asking those with truly active homes to come to the set while contacting legitimate groups in their area in order to get their site investigated just prior. After everything is completed, they could share their stories with the audience about their hauntings, leave the stage for the group to take seat and talk about their investigation of the site all the while ending with the ‘reveal’ as both parties are on stage … then, of course, we’d give all sorts of advice to help them with the future (as well as contacts for I’ve many). Sorta like a “Help me! My house is haunted!” kind of show!

I know I’m a dreamer but I pitched this to Oprah who apparently didn’t find it as marketable and I KNOW it would be. Maybe one day someone WILL listen … and if I’m lucky enough, I’ll be that hostess! (want to add that I’m an intuitive, with proof, so wouldn’t that make for a nice twist, *smiles*)

Hugs & happy hunting …

Mellen

Category(s): Mellen's Thought for the day
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14 JanLifelong friends don’t go away, they rest in your heart forever!

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Although I learned of your loss a short while ago, I just recently learned ‘how’. Since, I’ve cried daily! (no exaggeration)

Please please please give Marc’y a hug from me, a long sincere hug! (wiping tears) I’ve no words of comfort other than I believe in Marc! He’s ALWAYS been a kind, gentle soul …. always! I’m so shocked – not fair, not fair! My heart is in pieces, truly pieces! And then I think of you … celebrating the birth of your first grandchild one day only to have to grieve days later! I wish I could have been there (but I didn’t know)!

I’m so sorry we’re no longer friends but as I just penned … friends come with reasons, and yours was to help me through my childhood and into adulthood. Sadly, it wasn’t in the cards for us to see each other through adulthood, middle-age, old age … as I had hoped; but, let me share with you that I do think of you often and miss you even more! I have kept you & your family in my prayers for years and will continue to do so. And yea, I’ve a void in my life without you; but, have come to realization life ain’t perfect and we must trod on regardless.

Despite our vast differences I will ALWAYS love & miss you, Shari — and I will forever, as a promise is a promise is a promise!

LYLAS!

‘Nan Nan’

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14 JanWhat life’s taught me thus far ….

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In my old age I’ve learned that life never gets easier – we simply grow stronger. The adage, ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’, resounds throughout my being with every breath I take. For if I’ve grown personally, it’s stronger! I no longer live life looking far into the future, I now live my life day-by-day. I take-in EVERY moment as if it could be the last. I’ve learned that life isn’t fair to anyone despite I’m unsure where any of us thought it would be in the first place since I know we were warned as children. I’ve learned by experience that many friends come and go like the ebb of a tide. Each has their own reason; each carries their own lesson and it’s up to me to decipher since regardless how long they’re in your life they leave a mark upon your soul; tis one you cannot erase, no matter how much effort you apply. Also, I’m trying very hard to forgive since forgetting is impossible despite I’m learning it’s unnecessary to try to forget for when it’s accompanied with forgiveness the wound is no longer worth remembering in the first place.

Remember, no matter what life throws at you, you CAN overcome it! You attract what you emit so try and remind yourself that bad times are reminders as to how great good times are. Embrace them equally and LEARN from them, as I have!

Hoping this finds you, my readers, in a ‘good place’, safe, warm, and enjoying YOU!

*HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR LOVED ONES TODAY?*

Hugs …

Mellen

Category(s): Mellen's Thought for the day
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05 JanEMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER: New evidence discovered, death certificate applied for

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Finally I had the talk with my niece in regards to her discovery of my brother; she was the FIRST one to discover his lifeless hanging body and screamed for help. Today I asked her questions about those moments; how did he look, his appearance, was he still or was he swinging? And I asked about his eyes, I needed to know about his eyes.

She calmly told me moments before she went out to check on him, she heard a ‘crash’ [now she's deducing that was the chair he kicked-over]. Moments later she opened the garage door to check on him. His body was facing toward the garage’s south wall but it was at an angle his face was in full-view of the door way. She told me that his face did not look traumatized, his head leaning to the side but down, his eyes were almost closed, and only a slight trace of froth alongside this lips’ corner had formed — “Honestly Mary Ellen, he looked peaceful,” she said.

She also told me how it unfolded. She opened the door and screamed. My brother & mom ran to her and the 3 of them together held him up & cut him down. Then once the noose was removed, my mom began pounding on Robbie’s chest with hopes to get his heart back to beating to no avail. Then Brittany started CPR and it was then she noticed the lack of support normal bodies have in their necks.

I know it’s odd that it’s been a few months since his death and we’re just now asking these questions between each other but in truth, tis really like being in shock! However after today’s talk, I’m VERY curious … knowing it’ll help soften the burden of guilt that is consuming her, I hope I can honestly tell my mom, with evidence, her son died instantly and no matter if she had rushed in there 2-seconds after he’d kicked that chair it’d still been too late … he had broken his neck, painlessly he left this existance. Sure it won’t bring him back but as a parent and her child, I just know that people just has to know these things in order to accept and move on. Plus, before hearing of all this today, I have sat up many sleepless nights, crying, envisioning my brother choking and reaching-out for someone to save him simply for him to die. I worried he did but didn’t want to, ya know? I VERY much want to put those visions to rest forever! HE WAS A VERY CRAFTY HANDY MAN … so if his neck broke instantly, that’s because HE made it happen that way to do what HE wanted and least painful!

So it’s with high hopes I pen this entry as well as the envelope to mail … a completed application, attached copy of my credentials, and attached a check because in tomorrow’s outgoing mail to the Indiana Department of Vitals!

I will pen more in his regard after what we truly NEED to know arrives.

*HAVE U HUGGED YOUR LOVED ONES TODAY?*

Hugs …

Mellen

P.S.: His ex-wife with whom he was estranged at the time of his death has a copy, I’m sure. And, although we’re truly trying to maintain a level-of-respect & communicate in his honor with her so I know she’d most likely share this with me if I only would ask. But, I’d like to do it myself, and see it with my own eyes.

Category(s): Surviving Suicide Series, Uncategorized
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25 DecWishing everyone …

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…. a peacefilled, blessed, and safe Christmas!

Ho, Ho, Ho & Hugs, hugs, hugs …

Mellen

Category(s): Mellen's Thought for the day
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23 DecEMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER: Not one day …

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I cry every day because …

I miss my sister every day!

I miss my brother every day!

I miss not remembering my dad every day!

And I’m FRET with worry over my mom & my only living sibling’s future every day!

Yet, I’m trying to find some sort of ‘peace’ this holiday season, every day I’m trying!

**HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR LOVED ONES TODAY?**

Hugs …

Mellen

Category(s): Surviving Suicide Series
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17 DecLions, Tigers & Shadow people, OH MY!

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My mother spent the night at her home where my brother committed suicide despite she’s now living elsewhere, with us. During the night she experienced the oddest ‘dream’ despite when she told me it was so ‘real’!

She saw a black mass in ‘human’ form hovering in the corner of her bedroom; a person but all in black, even the eyes were blackened. Awakening from a VERY deep & medicated sleep she thought it was my niece who lives with her so she called out to it by her name demanding she get down before she hurt herself. It obeyed and leapt down but then oddly it stumbled over my dad’s old trunk at the foot of her bed. I asked her how she felt when all of this happened and she told me she was frightened. Hmmm ….

That is what SHE told me the next morning on the phone and here’s the true tale I shared with her immediately …

The home where this occurred to her is where my brother committed suicide as well as was the home to my husband and I of which we purchased 15-years ago. There we raised our two sons until moving to our current home. During our life there odd things happened but I dismissed them for paranormal activity around me was normal. It wasn’t until when my oldest was about 5 I truly began to realize the severity of the activity, though. My then-very-young-son told me then how a “ball of light” was flying around his head so he threw it out his window; about the young boy who continually begging him to allow him to play along; and about the shadow FAMILY who lived in his closet — a dad, mom, young son his age, and a toddler. One night he told me he heard the mom whisper to the young son, “shhh, you’ll wake Bobby”! This is when I started getting in touch with paranormalist to gain an understanding as to what what going on. I mean I had an idea but talking shadows and balls of light were new to me. I discovered, as many of you have, that ghost hunting groups were popping-up all around the world. I contacted a group but was hesitant to let just anyone in my home so I started to attend their monthly meetings … got hooked, took-on titled positions for a few years yet never in that time did I ‘officially’ have an investigation done in this home.

As many of you, my readers, have read my living-brother has been experiencing a lot in that home since so much so a man of 46-years sleeps with his light on. My niece also has seen unexplanable things. And all, including my mom, have heard LOUD rappings on the doors.

And before you wonder, yes I plan on investigating the home once my mom, brother and niece move-out. I don’t want to ‘upset’ anything. However, I have rethought my blessing of the home because I TRULY FEAR ‘something’ may follow me here, to our new home. I’m not a seasoned ‘house cleaner’ so tis probably for the best! Hoping whoever buys the home are brave, spiritually knowledgeable souls. (or maybe whatever is going on is doing so JUST to us)

Just wanted to update y’all regarding the paranormal goings-on over there. Will continue to share as information deems worthy.

Happy hunting …

Mellen

Category(s): Mellen's Paranormal Reporting, Surviving Suicide Series
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17 DecEMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER: Woe is me, woe is me!

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This website was started for me as a means to express my feelings as well as share paranormal tidbits (such as theories, evidence, lore …); however, the more I grow the more I blog personal issues. And yep, this is yet another personal entry. *Beware*

I’m unable to get into the holiday mood. Plus it’s getting harder and harder to hold-back my tears. Our family holidays are winding down, to an end. I no longer have a sister to share them with. Now my brother is also gone. My heart pains for my mom as she sits creating her Christmas present list with so lil’ left to buy for. How hard that must be for her, a mom! I have to run out of the room often to burst into tears. Plus we’ve that CT scan of her lung in January and WITH ALL MY HEART & SOUL I PRAY I’M WRONG but I fear it’s lung cancer … so this is probably my last Christmas with her too!

I reflect back upon my younger years. Sure they weren’t the most festive nor pleasant — we were a dysfuntional bunch with a tight budget but we loved each other deeply! Boy, I thought life then was ‘tragic’, ah ha ha … couldn’t have been further from the truth! I cannot express to you, my readers, to embrace EVERY moment you have with those you love! Let MY LIFE’S JOURNEY be your lesson as to why!

Working double after double after double to make ends meet is also tearing me down but if I don’t, we don’t eat! Didn’t help I severly cut my finger last week at work so now I’m trying to overcome my fear of the knife. My back is aching worse than ever yet was told nothing can be done to remedy the issues. And I ‘sense’ my Crohn’s is readying for a flair-up for I can feel tummy pains that remind me of the early 90s when I was whisked off to surgery with a blocked intestine. Sadly though I cannot go to the doctor, I’ve a son who is facing oral surgery soon of which we’ll have to pay for entirely. Then, right after, he’s off to college. I know, take care of me first … but I cannot! I won’t! NOTHING can heal me and he’s my legacy — there’s no question.

Even though I want to embrace this Christmas all I can, I am looking forward to the holiday season to be in the past! It pains me to read of others spending joyful time with their families (I’m green with envy, m’friends, no fear) when we’ve barely any left and even then there’s nothing to smile about. It’s more like a funeral.

I’ve lost so many friends … well, I should write, people I THOUGHT were my friends. As trying times came my way or I refused to pay their ways, they scrammed like roaches when you flick a light on! And those who HAVE stood by me are PRECIOUS! They know I’m here and when I’ve good days vs. bad ones! They love me, they forgive me, they truly worry for me — I’m so blessed to have y’all and feel disappointed I haven’t been the fun luvin’ ‘me’ for so long now and luv me even when I take weeks/months to reply to emails, texts or phonecalls!

I’m tired of mean people too! They’re cruel, selfish, arrogant and downright UGLY inside! Saddest part, ‘they’ are cruel to JUST ME because I wrote a blog of which I did NOT mean them yet they took it as I did. I wrote to clear the air but ‘they’ refused to listen! In turn, I’m now the black sheep so I’m no longer welcome. I stay home while my immediate family goes and celebrates Christmas with my ‘other’ family of over 2-decades. Sad, they never realized how happy I was to see each of them; finally I was to have a father, another sister … they never noticed because they cannot relate for experience is the best teacher and LUCKY FOR THEM they’re BLESSED to have a ‘normal’ life, being spared the wretched heart ache I’ve endured. So again Christmas eve morning I’m home alone. And before you ask, nope they don’t get me gifts either, everyone else does just not me. All over a SILLY misunderstanding! How sad, how sad!

I also wanted to add …

Although I know I’ve MANY friends who are thinking of me, I’ve never felt more alone! My husband, children, mom and family are trying to reach-out to me but, being honest here, I do not see ANY bright lights in my future! I feel as if life has passed me by as I was being a rock for everyone else! Here I am OLD and I’m reflecting back upon nothingness! I’ve NOTHING in regards to accomplishments to be proud of aside from my 2 sons (who I hope leave me and start beautiful families of their own).

I always dreamed I’d do something ‘big’ with my life yet now, after this last birthday, I no longer have that hope. My ‘imagination’ is gone. My passion for life is gone. My ambition is gone. My dreams are gone. I’m growing older & older fast and it’s showing inside & out! I hope God gives me the strength to make it through this next year and then some as I’m not ready to leave my children yet. Truly don’t know if that’s going to happen. When I talk about the future, I talk about how to raise the kids, my dreams for THEM and what I’d like done at my funeral. No where is there the inkling of good things, no where. I’ve given up… God HAS forgotten me! (don’t worry, I’m not losing my religion as I know He’s a LOT of people in need and can only do so much for so many … and there are MILLIONS in worse shoes than mine)

I know this is a slapped together entry, but I write what I feel as I feel it … and this is it, how I feel at this very moment! Thank you for trying to follow this — I’m on the fly as I’ve another blog to pen in regard to my mom’s recent paranormal experience (at the home my brother committed suicide) – *stay tuned*.

*HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR LOVED ONES TODAY?*

Hugs …

Mellen

Category(s): Surviving Suicide Series
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04 DecEMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER: holidays, schmolidays!

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I remember vaguely what the holidays were like after losing my sister in July of 2007; they weren’t festive but they weren’t like reliving her funeral over & over again as they are now. Now, that my brother committed suicide. It cannot be because we loved her less — it must be because his is so recent, right?

We have our tree up and are establishing new traditions with hopes to help ME, yea me, get back to living again yet here I lay in my bed at 2 pm crying alone. Am I manically depressed person? Do I need more meds? Do I need locked-up? Or, is this NORMAL considering what I’ve been through my ENTIRE life?!

My mom, my mom, my mom … I love her so yet she doesn’t feel as if OUR home can be hers (she doesn’t speak it, as her daughter I feel it). I pain for her so greatly it consumes me!

EVERY SINGLE DAY I CRY AND SCREAM IN PRAYER TO GOD TO NOT TAKE ANYONE AWAY FROM ME TODAY! I cannot find ‘how’ to live my life without that kind of fear anymore! Lord, I miss being a young child (despite I had already lost my dad).

The few close friends I have left have FOUGHT to be just that, my friends! They’ve NEVER given-up on me! They’ve never made FUN of me! They’ve listened patiently, lent me a shoulder or ear to cry, they’ve been there — I LOVE YOU GUYS, you know who you are! And to think I thought that those back-stabbing, snake, liars were my ‘evils’, ah ha ha — y’all mean NOTHING in comparison to what is TRULY important in life, LIFE ITSELF (get one, might I suggest!).

I’m working my arse off, double after double after double and I’m proud of my beaten-down self. Financially, of course we need it but it’s moreso to give me a reason to ‘live’ to give me a reason to see ‘hope’ to give me a reason to get ‘out’!

Yet, I live my days SCARED AS HELL!

Wishin’ this would stop. Wishin’ I could have my memory erased, sadly enough. I just want to SMILE AND LAUGH GENUINELY AGAIN! I want to hug because I just want to, not because it’s to hold myself up!

And my poor sons … my talented, brillant, excellently behaved young men … pains me to watch them see their mom, a FRACTION of herself, struggling and bouncing around with emotions! Poor guys, they’re probably petrified of marriage … marrying a female like their mom … surely they know I’m NOT normal, this life I’m living is NOT a NORMAL one and that most have joy to celebrate!

I miss the time when I was an angel beside the Lil’ Drummer Boy in our school’s play! I miss choraling alongside my friends going door-to-door and the look on the residents’ faces as few continued that tradition even back then! I miss smiling when I see ornamental decor throughout the land! But mostly, I miss looking forward to the future! All I’ve in front of me is the impending death of my mom, my ill and LAST LIVING SIBLING brother’s health, my sons flying the coop, my husband working endless hours, and a bed that calls my name more than anyone else does!

Yea, this is a ‘woe is me’ blog … but ya know, I feel it’s just deserved! ANYONE who’s endured what I have and NOT feel this way, has to be the strongest person ever! I bow down to you!!!!

*Have you hugged your loved ones today?*

Hugs …

Mellen

Category(s): Mellen's Thought for the day, Surviving Suicide Series
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15 NovEMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER: balancing, waiting, worrying, yet understanding!

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I hope my words help others who are struggling or helping others who are. I post today a quick blog to appease with hopes someone IS depending upon this page to help them find strength and does so.

Aside from working practically full-time now, I’m still balancing all of my ‘new’ responsibilities. Life started to overwhelm me so I took it by the reigns, bought a calendar, and am starting to see the light. Balancing MY life with that of my MOM’S is feat, I’m learning.

My heart pains as I ‘sense’ the worst in regard to my mom (praying I’m wrong!). It’s that nodule they found on her lung. Finally, the pulmonary doctor’s office called and she’s slated for an appointment in early January for her repeat lung ct scan. THAT’S THE DAY! And, what they’re looking for is growth. IF it grows ANY fashion, it’s biopsy time. If not, it’s GOOD news!

Yes, I’ve gently discussed my fears with my mom. I’ve emphasized how she needs to QUIT smoking to be most healthy – she concurs although her actions speak are otherwise for she’s back up to smoking almost a pack-a-day (out in my garage). We talked about the ‘what if’ regarding chemotherapy. She’s decided she WILL NOT take it unless they say she’s a 70% or better chance. Oddly, I agreed with her. I’ve watched several people go through chemo just to ‘prolong’ their lives simply to find themselves in a worse condition causing the person to be violently ill, unable to eat, the loss of their hair, the inability to complete simple tasks dues to lethargy for the rest of their existance.

My husband recently shared with me a conversation he had with my mom not too long ago in regards to the nodule. My mom laughed at the alternative, death. I’m saddened as her daughter she feels so apathetic regarding her future; but as a parent, I understand.

Keeping myself busy by working a LOT of doubles! It’s my escape. So I’m doing fairly well. Haven’t cried a fraction for my brother as I did my sister. Not sure if it’s denial or the fact my life’s in chaos and I’m prioritizing my emotions — whatever it is, it’s working! I’ve gained 16lbs and am FINALLY at 111lbs! How dangerous the waters were when I was treading at 94lbs! I hope my brother forgives me for NOT being so distraught as I was with the loss of our sister.

Paranormally speaking, I’ve not had a chance to download and then take the HOURS it’s going to take to review the recordings I completed on Halloween (All Hallow’s Eve). I taped two segments – both I just left the recorder alone. Will share any EVP I (hopefully) captured.

Will part for now …. hope y’all, my readers, have a beautiful autumn day and this finds you surrounding yourself with positivity as what you emit is what you attract! :)

*HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR LOVED ONES TODAY?*

Hugs & happy hunting …

Mellen

Category(s): Surviving Suicide Series
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